5-1=4

On March 14 we went to court for a permanency planning hearing for Jericha and Josiah. Full custody of Jericha was awarded to my brother Troy. That was a difficult transition, but I think we having been doing OK. Jericha seems happy and he has let her come to visit us a couple times. I hope that he continues to let her have a relationship with us over the years. I also pray that he stays on the straight and narrow and doesn't get back into the shenanigans that he was doing when she was removed from his care. With that said we go back to court for Josiah in June. This court date the worker is asking to have his parents rights terminated. They continue to make no efforts to improve their situation as well as a lack of interest in seeing Josiah. We are hoping if everything goes as planned that we will be able to adopt him. I have so many worries that something will happen and we will loose this little guy, I really pray that it doesn't. He is very much a part of our family.

Jojo turned the big one on March 17 (St. Patty's Day) He is walking a few steps and pushing objects everywhere. He finally got his first tooth a week ago! He seems to be very cautious about some things, but others he has no fear. Jojo is a very active baby and you can't take your eyes off him for one minute. Here is an example of our morning the other day, with in one hour he got into the toilet, unrolled the toilet paper, pulled out all of the recycling, pulled out the Tupperware, threw Cd's off the rack, threw DVDs, and dumped the dog water all over the kitchen. I love my little man, but sometimes I feel like I should be wearing roller skates just to keep up!

Isabelle has started running with GOTR (girls on the run) and she continues to play the clarinet with her school band. She really is becoming the typical preteen. I swear what used to take her 10 minutes to get ready now takes 45. It's kind of crazy, but cute at the same time. Everything that you say is a big deal whether it's good or bad. She is so dramatic. Her big 5K is coming up at the end of May. This is a picture of her dress for the father daughter dance that her Grandpa Pufpaff took her to.

Weekend

Another family weekend is coming to an end. I always think of a million things that I should have done or didn't get done when Sunday night rolls around. I'm trying to work on focusing on what did get done.

1. I spent time with my amazing family.
2. We started isabelle's science project. (What brand of popcorn leaves the least amount of kernels?)
3. We ate lots of popcorn!
4. Went shopping and found Isabelle a dress for the father daughter dance. Might I just add that shopping in the juniors department reminded me how grown up my little girl is getting.
6. Played with the little ones and really enjoyed watching their ideas.
7. Cleaned up spilt dog water at least 3 times, maybe more ;)
8. Hung out with Christine every night, even if we did fall asleep on the couch both Friday and Saturday.... Maybe we will make it to bed before falling asleep tonight.

I love our weekends off together and wish they lasted longer!

Welcome 2012

As fun as all of the holiday festivities are I am happy to say that they are all finally over. It can be so draining buying gifts, wrapping, unwrapping, cleaning up, dishes to pass, family get togethers. Sometimes I feel like we get so wrapped up in everything that we have to go to that we miss the real meaning of why we are getting together in the first place. Kinda sad. Overall we had a wonderful Christmas and New Years.  I am looking forward to starting 2012 off with new goals and a positive attitude toward accomplishing them.

Isabelle had her first band concert a few weeks ago and rocked it out! She received some fabulous gifts for Christmas. We have had a hard time prying them out of her hand. At least she is still at the age where she was excited to go back to school this morning. I'm not sure how many of those years we will have left. She is getting to be such a preteen. Everything is so dramatic and loud! Even though I may complain about it, I still love every minute and couldn't ask for a better daughter.

Jericha has started having overnight visits with her dad two nights a week. She has really been enjoying them. She had a wonderful Christmas. I think her favorite gifts were her Leapster 2 and her princess castle that came with all of the Disney prince and princesses. Who wouldn't love that? She was also very excited to go back to school and tell them about her gifts. She is at the age where she wants you to spell everything for her. It's kind of funny to hold a conversation with her. Every other sentence she is saying " and how do you spell that?" she will write it down on her Doodle Pad. I love that she has such an interest in reading and writing. Jericha is a very smart little girl.

Josiah has been growing like a weed! He is 9 1/2 mo old and about 16lbs. He is crawling, pulling himself up on things, and pushing objects around the room. It won't be long before he starts walking. He is our mover. Jojo has started saying a few words (mamama, Alli, C, hungry). It's really funny to listen to him, because they aren't clear, but he will keep repeating himself until you figure it out! I love the determination. He still has no teeth, but I have faith that they will pop through soon. He is such a fun little guy to have around. We are so blessed to have such wonderful children in our lives. I thank the lord everyday for everything that he has given us.

Here are some pictures of our holiday fun:

SNOW GLOBES

As the Christmas season rapidly approaches us I finally decided to pull out all of the decorations. With each item that I pulled out another memory filled my head. I remember this same feeling as a child. Waiting for the special day when mom pulled out all of the storage boxes and we began the decorating. Once all the decorations were out my mind kept falling back to the one decoration that I haven't seen in a long time. I used to have a small plastic snow globe. I'm sure at some point in my life I got it for free at an event or something, I don't even really remember. What I do remember is how much I loved it. There was a tiny nativity scene inside of it. I would pull it out of the box and shake it over and over. The joy that such a small item brought me is truly amazing when I look back on it. I'm not sure at what point that globe disappeared, just one Christmas it was gone, never to be seen again.

Lately I feel like my life is that snow globe. Someone grabs my entire being and shakes it like crazy. As soon and I think everything has settled and might actually be calm God throws me something else and the shaking begins again. It is this cycle that continues over and over. I know that God will never give me more than I can handle, but sometimes it takes a lot to convince myself that is true. As exciting as this time of year is, it is also just as trying. Financially, socially, and mentally draining on me and the rest of my family. I need to find the peace and happiness that Christmas is meant to bring. Christine told me the other day that I spend so much time thinking about everything going on in my life that I end up missing what is going on here and now. In some ways I think that is very true. Here and now is what really matters. I can't change the future, I have no control of other people. My snow globe may not stop shaking, but I can stay focused on one thing and quit getting dizzy every time it does.

Weight Loss Journey

MY WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY....

As many of you know I have been on a weight loss journey for over a year now. I joined Weight Watchers in September 2010. Now over a year later I feel like I'm at a stand still. I thought I would do a post about it to try and give myself some motivation. My family is sick of hearing about it, so I will leave it in the hands of my readers.

I know why I'm at a stand still....laziness! I'm horrible at working out, I have to force myself to chart my food, it's just not as fun as it used to be. I need to come up with a way to get myself back into the game. I still have 30lbs to loose and it's not going to just fall off, I know I will have to work at it. I just have to do it! AHHH I am such a food addict. I need a 12 step program based on food. It seems like everywhere I turn some one is eating something, cooking, or offering me some delicious goodie. It's simple just say no. Yeah right. I think it's simple for those who aren't food addicts. It is not simple for me! Free samples at stores, candy on counters, left overs in the fridge it is everywhere all the time. I guess for me it's a one minute at a time program. As long as I can keep saying no thank you to hand outs, close the fridge or fill it up with the good for me stuff I will be ok.

I am Thankful that God has given me the strength to come this far in my weight loss journey. I know that he will be there with me as I make the right choices for myself in order to keep on the track that I need to be on.

With Thanksgiving less than 24hrs away I am trying to prepare myself for the overwhelming amount of food that will be present. My goal is to try to focus on everything else. Gathering with family and spending good quality time together is what really matters, the food is just a bonus. I will stuff my self full of good conversations, love, support, and amazing people. With all of that on my plate there is no way that I will let food take over. One day at a time!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

The Goal of Foster Care is Reunification

Everyday I have to remind myself that "the goal of foster care is reunification with the biological parents". At what point does reunification become more harmful than good? When a child has lived with you for longer than they have lived with their biological parents, when your home IS home, when you get up for the midnight feedings, the nightmares, the wet beds, when you take them to the doctor appointments, read to them, show them right from wrong how is it better to send them to someplace that has no schedule...no consistency, no food half the time, no feelings of love and comfort, no tucking in and saying prayers at bedtime, no cuddle times and special one on ones. Instead there will be yelling, screaming, fighting, smoking, crying, drinking, hunger, filth, and a serious lack of love and warmth....but at the end of the day "the goal of foster care is reunification".

I pray that God looks upon these children with love and understanding. That our Father God sees what is best for these children and helps to keep them safe, warm, fed, and loved. My hope is that no matter where they go or who has them our God will help to guide and comfort them in their journey. I want to say a selfish prayer, but instead I am trying very hard to live life on life's terms. With that said I am just going to live and let God. No matter how hard that can be.

St. A's Fall concert

FALL CONCERT
St. Augustine decided to do something new this year by having a fall concert instead of a Christmas one. Isabelle had a speaking role where she introduced another class and their song. She did a great job. I was so nervous for her, but she went up there and nailed it. Isabelle's class (the 5th grade) sang a song and played their recorders for a song. I started to video part of the recorder one, until my battery decided to die. Bummer. Here are a few pics of the event.

The kids....

Isabelle turned 11 on November 7th. It is really hard to believe that 11 years have flown by so quickly. We went out to dinner and had cookie cake for desert at home. This was my first time making a cookie cake, but I will for sure be doing it again. It was delicious! She didn't have a party this year, but sometimes quality time with the family is just as good.

Isabelle had to do a solar system project for school. She spent a lot of time on it and I think it really shows. It turned out awesome! Great work Isabelle!

Jericha has been going to peeps at Arcadia school every day from 9-12am. She is just loving it. Her personality is really starting to shine. Everyday she comes home with something new and exciting that she has learned.



Josiah is getting so big! He is almost eight months now. He is army crawling everywhere. That includes straight into the dog's water bowl, the recycling bin, DVD's, and anything else he can find. He is really testing our child proofing skills. Jojo still has no teeth, but he is eating like a champ. Recently he discovered his tongue and started sticking it out at anyone that will pay attention to him. He makes us all smile every time we look at him. We are so blessed to have him as part of our lives.

Apple Orchard

Christine and I went out together on Saturday. It was the first time in months that we have been somewhere together with out any kids at all. Sometimes I forget how nice it is to have normal adult conversations with out being interrupted, having to put kids in time outs, etc. We went out to dinner, hit up a haunted house (yes I actually made it through), and then we went to the casino. I won all of our money that we spent for the night back and still had extra. It was really exciting because I never win when I go.

Sunday we took the kids and Isabelle's friend to the apple orchard. They had a blast. We did the kiddy part with activities, picked apples, took a wagon ride, and went through the corn maze. Let me just say next time I go through a corn maze I will defiantly put my moby wrap on instead of trying to push a stroller. Not a good idea! Overall the weekend was awesome. The only downfall was I did absolutely no housework! My house looks like a tornado went through it right now so I'm trying to talk myself into cleaning. Guess we will see how that goes....

Thought of the day

I am going to take this moment to just talk about myself. I finally reached my 75lb mark after being plateaued for about two months. I am excited about that accomplishment, especially since that means I only have 37.8 more pounds to loose until I reach my goal weight. With that said I have really started to evaluate why everything in my life seems to plateau at one point or another. I guess there comes a time when things I used to put thought into just start to blend into daily life. I have found that is not always a good thing. Everything in life needs maintenance. If you aren't willing to maintain it then you will end up getting what you put into it. Life is not easy. It's not easy to constantly maintain everything, but is it easier to let it all go to hell? A weight loss comparison that I heard the other day goes like this "It's hard to loose weight, it's hard to maintain your weight, it's hard to be over weight. Choose your hard." I really like that. If I'm going to spend time thinking about how hard something is I sure as hell want some results when I'm done with it. I feel like this can go for just about anything in my life. It's hard to do a lot of things, but if I choose not to do it, isn't the outcome just as hard? Well those are my thoughts for the day...

"The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice."  George Eliot

Silver Lake Adventures....

We took the family to Silver Lake over the weekend. We are so blessed to have the cottage available for us to use. My friend Jess and 3 out of her 4 kids came along. It was a ton of fun, even with Isabelle being sick. She was a super trooper. We climbed the side of a dune, took Jessica's Jeep out on the dunes, got fried in the sun, roasted marshmallows, swam, read, and loved every minute. I wish vacations lasted longer, I never want to come home.

Life seems like it gets crazier and crazier. Whoever said the fostering children is an amazing experience never did it! Sure the children are great....it's the parents that are the problem. They don't show for visits or cancel, they drop dirty, they work crap jobs, live in motels, and the state says maybe we will give them another chance. So three months later they do everything the same and the state says maybe we will give them another chance. When one parent starts dropping clean, but doesn't even show up to court the state says we will give unsupervised visits. After 4 visits when that parent drops dirty again the state says, maybe they just need another chance....REALLY??? so they put that parent back on supervised visits, but they want us to supervise. We finally put our foot down and say no we aren't going to do that. So after two supervised visits the state worker says that parents looks like they are doing fine we will give them their unsupervised visits back. I just don't get it. The goal of foster care is reunification. I know that, but at some point they need to assess the situation and see if reunification is really the best thing for the child. I feel like no one is really looking after the child's best interest, just the courts best interest in trying to do reunification at any cost. I'm really trying to just give it to GOD, I have a very hard time doing that. So that is why I am ranting to you about it. If I don't I think my head might explode.